Discombobulated

Lost for words, happy moods absent
I so don't know what's happening
Can you imagine feeling this way, if you could only see the expression on my face
The thing is I've always had this agenda for all the things I wanted to do
But lately there's been so many setbacks so hard to follow through
Just know that I refuse, to loose winning is in my destiny
Cause God keeps blessing me
& though one minute I'm glad, mad, perplexed one big mess that's just it, cause...
Times like this in your life you focus on works & faith that you'll be led somewhere great
I'm just not sure how to follow my dreams
If you know what I mean, like what path I must go what things might I need
But still I proceed, day to day with an nonchalant expression
Tryna send a message
That nothing can phase she, & though everything does
You wouldn't know that cause you don't know me
& though it's hard in the morning for me to stay awake & at night hard to sleep
I know my moment's coming I'm just waiting
Until then I'm confused & upset that's the vibes of discombobulated.


TiffJ

Inexperienced

Writing something is permanent, unless you demolish what you wrote it upon
So I always stopped myself from saying some on a topic which I didn't have any experience on
You have to have a type of maturity & labor for something to enact real
Find a sympathetic place for it to come from so people would understand how you feel
Along with obtaining an intimate perception on something to discern the lesson
How can you empathize when you don't know where to go to find that feeling inside
How could you inform or relate when you've never experienced that sensation to feel what to say
I've never been a fan of taking people's advice when they've never applied it in there on life
And I've never cared to communicate
With those who relay words for the sake of communicating nothing deep to say
How could you lend your advice
If you don't know if you would take it, or at least might
To speak on other peoples issues I've always been on the fence
When some people would be like what do you know but my feelings are intense &  even still I say nothing cause I am aware that I'm Inexperienced..

TiffJ

Scared to feel

I stopped responding when my heart started speaking
I stopped trying to find the true definition of love when I actually felt I had my own meaning            Didn't try to explain it, cause its those eccentric feelings that you're scared to put into words
Cause it might be, lo..
Then I found myself not texting
Cause I started looking forward to your message
Cause when you start expecting, there's a huge risk
And it's then you allow yourself to be disappointed
Peculiar I think they call it
Noticing your unusual behavior doing things you don't do often
I thought I ran out of words for you until I realized there were other words I'd rather say
So speechless is what I became
Why I shut down when I feel the unnorm way
Maybe cause I'm not use to being in that place or
Maybe because I've never sincerely been
Feeling vulnerable I've never been fond of that feeling
Scared to feel, because hearts take the longest to heal
& I'm not positive I ready for that whole ordeal
But you can't help when you meet people & fall for them that's apart of living it's just scary
Because hearts have no boundaries are limitations when it starts feeling & that scares me..

TiffJ

Very Fortunate

Some say lucky some say blessed

But I know my desirability, no I'm not like the rest 

Fortunate yes 

Call me unique, call my personality real call my body lovely 

It's sorta like simulation, because its an act of anticipation because 

I'll have you waiting; for me

Compare my smile to the sun providing you with warmth while brilliantly shining 

Filling you with energy

Fortunate yes

I have this thing I do sometimes, that makes your my mind unseeing,

That all you see is me it's like a depiction of feelings, 

 No its not absurd, I'm just Fortunate

That I'm that promising making you see no one else 

Yes I'm a catch, & someday someone will be propitious enough to receive me 

 Believe me I'm worth it, 

Something close to impeccable but not quite  

 Just that gorgeous, what a pleasure to be in sight 

Let me consume your soul, body & mind to a feeling that can never be defined

 My authenticity I hope you see, how beloved I can be 

All you have to do is give me your heart, 

& no I don't need any keys, or clues to open it

Trust me I already know this

Lucky no, I'm just very Fortunate ..

TiffJ

My theories

How can I Love when I'm afraid to fall
Why would I want to give to someone if it's not my all
I'm not really sure how Love works
So I have my theories on how it should
How we would be, want to be, & how we could, yeah my theories
I noticed that I push people away
& before I realize I want them there, its too late
But I have my theories that someday someone even when I push them
Will pull me with'em
And I know patience is a virtue
Good things take time, so I guess I'll wait for you 
And if you're not sure if it's meant to be
You let 'em go & wait and see
Sometimes it might not be, but my theory is you have faith
That even if you've been disappointed, someone better will take their place
Love is wanting someone to be happy even if its not with you
Because it's not selfish, its about what you're feeling not felt
It's wanting the best for them & not yourself
And No, I'm not sure about any of these things
I'm like 99% positive, that I believe I really know what Love should be
And no you don't have to agree with me
Because, they're My theories...


TiffJ

Love and War

Ask yourself a question what is Love and war?  

Weird thing about these words is if we focused on Love wouldn't be reason for war.. 

 But sadly we are, what goes through our minds that make us want to fight each other be at war with one another

 Maybe cause its easier to forget things, than remember, we forget the Love then remember the war  

And if we actually take a closer look, it hasn't gotten us very far  

Truth is it's hard to be honest with ourselves, cause if we did it may cause us to need help  

Which is also a problem, because of our pride, because we're afraid of what people will think of us & that may cause shame or revealed lies   

I think we all battle with whether we should Love or just fight it believe it or not for some people it's not quite inviting                                                                                        

So lets invite Love into our lives, & remember why its here in the first place before its to late          

All I know is Love is God, with him there's not a war we can't defeat at anytime, night and day

All you have to do is pray...

  

Focusing on me

Can't stand lies cause I need something to believe in
 So tell me the truth I do my best to believe it
 Thinking I'll always be there you're dreaming..
Cause eventually reality will set in & I won't.
& all of a sudden its not the same listening to Love songs
Cause there was always someone who came to mind
 Now I find nobody there are me trying my best to keep someone out
For once I want my mind clear from you other people & him
 Cause having a liberated mind is something everyone should feel
 & the other day for the first time I just jammed to the music payed no attention to words
 Felt good not to wonder what could of been or what was
 Unexplainable feeling when you have no worries for a moment
 Cause a moment only last for about a minute
& can you really explain something in 60 seconds 
But what I can explain, is that I'm focusing on myself          
& to do that no I don't need no help
Cutting people off ,making important decisions
This is the part of life, when I do what I like
 I decide what I want, how I feel & what I need
I guess you can say I'm focusing on me...


TiffJ