Scandal

I would like to have you but I know that's not the case 

I know you would like to have me, I'm just not sure in what way 

All I know is I want you in every way possible in hopes you want me also in every possible way

But this reality is killing me

Trying to shake this feeling of wanting you here with me

What are we doing anyways, I wish you'd answer for me that question

So I can stop making my own assumptions

About how you feel, how do you want to feel, do I make you feel, any kind of way

The fact that I have to wonder what a shame

Just trying not to broadcast my pain cause it would be a scandal for you & what's -her name

And the fact that I even care about defaming you, I would think that would be enough

For you to at least recognize my kind of love.

Intimacy

When someone can touch you emotionally, mentally & spiritually that's when it really gets intimate

And I just can't help but feel my need for affection is limitless

So I'm not sure how far we will get, cause a touch is never just a touch when it's someone you love

And when you need to be held a hug never seems to last long 

I'm talking prolonged, intimacy & I'm waiting for the one who can give that to me

I feel emotional connections are what's more important if I must say 

Cause if you don't have that, what's the point of being connected in any other way 

Feel me without feeling me, understand where I'm coming from without judging my past that's really all I ask 

Seduce my mind, disclose my thoughts & let our hearts embrace each others while our soul's intertwine 

Realizing that sex is not all its about, but knowing being together love is never questioned & have to be confessed from our mouths

That way when copulating the feeling's irrefutable because you always show me; sensuality

& yes I'm saying this is an necessity, cause what is love without intimacy.

"Angelic Face"

It's been awhile since I saw you, but remembering when I first did I was blown away
That moment when you wanna stare but can't stare but you can't look away 
I think your name started with a D, but In reality I don't say 
& even if I've forgotten can't forget your face
It's as if century's ago someone saw you & without the word angelic existing thought of it
A part of me is weird because I haven't seen you in who knows how long 
But you appeared vividly in my mind like a repeated song
How could I forget you, though it's true something can't be unseen, it usually just fades away but I guess that doesn't pertain to an "angelic face"
Your parents did you justice I bet you feel really lucky
How you carry yourself, you should be proud just gorgeously endowed
Why I reminiscence now I won't say it's cause I saw you in a dream & though it was in that moment I knew... because, it was you.

Puzzle piece

Stuck in my feelings, feels like I'm drowning
Sorta like a mixture of sorrow & joy
Guess I'm fighting how I want to feel, & how I should
Talking to everyone I can so I can keep my mind occupied
But it seems everyone sucks cause they're not you
I don't know how else to put it
Lost cause I'm trying to find something but not even looking 
It's like my heart has been tooken & I don't even know who took it
I guess that means it feels like something's missing
So I'm on this journey trying to find someone that genuinely fits me
awaiting my puzzle piece.

Ugh

Ever felt powerless, no time to do anything like it's a minute left
Your mind is spinning they have you in circles saying "can't believe I love you" 
Ugh that's how you feel, cause it don't seem real 
You don't know what this sensation is but don't want it 
Just wanna give it away and get something in returned like you can pawn it 
That way you don't feel like you've wasted your time 
But you think you did but only will know in time 
You'll be fine this you know you never stay down for long  
How dare you gamble your heart and get nothing in returned 
I guess this is one of those live and you learn type of situations 
It's just amazing the moment you step outside of yourself
Is when you feel like you have nothing left
Because you let someone in, so now it's like never again 
Now you feel stupid a lil bit useless like why did I do this
Just looking forward to a past time when it all becomes amusing.

Endless

The nerve of some people that think they can just keep you 
Just a want, don't need you just nothing better to do
I found life is more interesting when you have someone to like  
Then I contradict myself & say I wish I liked no one 
Cause when the feeling isn't mutual it's just not as fun
I don't know if you can relate 
Understand I'm just tryna get something off my chest
I'm a mess I guess cause I need a guy to be around a little while before I open up
So I guess some feel that's just too much but 
That's me I'm not changing why & for what 
But I took a chance & no I don't regret it it's just now I'm feeling indifferent  
My heart is disturb & everything just feels wrong 
It's like my mind's gone with a song in my heart "It was that sweetest thing I've known"
But I don't want this feeling to prolong & uhh 
I don't even know how to end this poem.

Shower Flow

As the liquid coats my body going all down my spine
& the heat hypnotizes my mind
I'm feeling composed all exposed
I'm really liking this
How I feel liberated, unveiled in a confined space
I think I'm there
Contemplating how these moments makes such a difference
Cause my minds really occupied
Like I'm obliged to explain why I'm feeling so well
Or maybe I should say compelled
There's something about this moment
I'm sensible to everything while I'm draped with nothing
And yes I am getting immaculate in the process I just felt the need to express
It's crazy how something so simple can be depicted so profound
I'm just lost in the water the only time I don't mind not being found.

"When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?" Sydney J. Harris

Nobody said life would be easy in the first place, it's our minds that create an illusion of how we think it should be.. So when we are not feeling our present living we just disappoint ourselves.. cause we believe it should be something different.

Discombobulated

Lost for words, happy moods absent
I so don't know what's happening
Can you imagine feeling this way, if you could only see the expression on my face
The thing is I've always had this agenda for all the things I wanted to do
But lately there's been so many setbacks so hard to follow through
Just know that I refuse, to loose winning is in my destiny
Cause God keeps blessing me
& though one minute I'm glad, mad, perplexed one big mess that's just it, cause...
Times like this in your life you focus on works & faith that you'll be led somewhere great
I'm just not sure how to follow my dreams
If you know what I mean, like what path I must go what things might I need
But still I proceed, day to day with an nonchalant expression
Tryna send a message
That nothing can phase she, & though everything does
You wouldn't know that cause you don't know me
& though it's hard in the morning for me to stay awake & at night hard to sleep
I know my moment's coming I'm just waiting
Until then I'm confused & upset that's the vibes of discombobulated.


TiffJ

Inexperienced

Writing something is permanent, unless you demolish what you wrote it upon
So I always stopped myself from saying some on a topic which I didn't have any experience on
You have to have a type of maturity & labor for something to enact real
Find a sympathetic place for it to come from so people would understand how you feel
Along with obtaining an intimate perception on something to discern the lesson
How can you empathize when you don't know where to go to find that feeling inside
How could you inform or relate when you've never experienced that sensation to feel what to say
I've never been a fan of taking people's advice when they've never applied it in there on life
And I've never cared to communicate
With those who relay words for the sake of communicating nothing deep to say
How could you lend your advice
If you don't know if you would take it, or at least might
To speak on other peoples issues I've always been on the fence
When some people would be like what do you know but my feelings are intense &  even still I say nothing cause I am aware that I'm Inexperienced..

TiffJ

Scared to feel

I stopped responding when my heart started speaking
I stopped trying to find the true definition of love when I actually felt I had my own meaning            Didn't try to explain it, cause its those eccentric feelings that you're scared to put into words
Cause it might be, lo..
Then I found myself not texting
Cause I started looking forward to your message
Cause when you start expecting, there's a huge risk
And it's then you allow yourself to be disappointed
Peculiar I think they call it
Noticing your unusual behavior doing things you don't do often
I thought I ran out of words for you until I realized there were other words I'd rather say
So speechless is what I became
Why I shut down when I feel the unnorm way
Maybe cause I'm not use to being in that place or
Maybe because I've never sincerely been
Feeling vulnerable I've never been fond of that feeling
Scared to feel, because hearts take the longest to heal
& I'm not positive I ready for that whole ordeal
But you can't help when you meet people & fall for them that's apart of living it's just scary
Because hearts have no boundaries are limitations when it starts feeling & that scares me..

TiffJ

Very Fortunate

Some say lucky some say blessed

But I know my desirability, no I'm not like the rest 

Fortunate yes 

Call me unique, call my personality real call my body lovely 

It's sorta like simulation, because its an act of anticipation because 

I'll have you waiting; for me

Compare my smile to the sun providing you with warmth while brilliantly shining 

Filling you with energy

Fortunate yes

I have this thing I do sometimes, that makes your my mind unseeing,

That all you see is me it's like a depiction of feelings, 

 No its not absurd, I'm just Fortunate

That I'm that promising making you see no one else 

Yes I'm a catch, & someday someone will be propitious enough to receive me 

 Believe me I'm worth it, 

Something close to impeccable but not quite  

 Just that gorgeous, what a pleasure to be in sight 

Let me consume your soul, body & mind to a feeling that can never be defined

 My authenticity I hope you see, how beloved I can be 

All you have to do is give me your heart, 

& no I don't need any keys, or clues to open it

Trust me I already know this

Lucky no, I'm just very Fortunate ..

TiffJ

My theories

How can I Love when I'm afraid to fall
Why would I want to give to someone if it's not my all
I'm not really sure how Love works
So I have my theories on how it should
How we would be, want to be, & how we could, yeah my theories
I noticed that I push people away
& before I realize I want them there, its too late
But I have my theories that someday someone even when I push them
Will pull me with'em
And I know patience is a virtue
Good things take time, so I guess I'll wait for you 
And if you're not sure if it's meant to be
You let 'em go & wait and see
Sometimes it might not be, but my theory is you have faith
That even if you've been disappointed, someone better will take their place
Love is wanting someone to be happy even if its not with you
Because it's not selfish, its about what you're feeling not felt
It's wanting the best for them & not yourself
And No, I'm not sure about any of these things
I'm like 99% positive, that I believe I really know what Love should be
And no you don't have to agree with me
Because, they're My theories...


TiffJ

Love and War

Ask yourself a question what is Love and war?  

Weird thing about these words is if we focused on Love wouldn't be reason for war.. 

 But sadly we are, what goes through our minds that make us want to fight each other be at war with one another

 Maybe cause its easier to forget things, than remember, we forget the Love then remember the war  

And if we actually take a closer look, it hasn't gotten us very far  

Truth is it's hard to be honest with ourselves, cause if we did it may cause us to need help  

Which is also a problem, because of our pride, because we're afraid of what people will think of us & that may cause shame or revealed lies   

I think we all battle with whether we should Love or just fight it believe it or not for some people it's not quite inviting                                                                                        

So lets invite Love into our lives, & remember why its here in the first place before its to late          

All I know is Love is God, with him there's not a war we can't defeat at anytime, night and day

All you have to do is pray...

  

Focusing on me

Can't stand lies cause I need something to believe in
 So tell me the truth I do my best to believe it
 Thinking I'll always be there you're dreaming..
Cause eventually reality will set in & I won't.
& all of a sudden its not the same listening to Love songs
Cause there was always someone who came to mind
 Now I find nobody there are me trying my best to keep someone out
For once I want my mind clear from you other people & him
 Cause having a liberated mind is something everyone should feel
 & the other day for the first time I just jammed to the music payed no attention to words
 Felt good not to wonder what could of been or what was
 Unexplainable feeling when you have no worries for a moment
 Cause a moment only last for about a minute
& can you really explain something in 60 seconds 
But what I can explain, is that I'm focusing on myself          
& to do that no I don't need no help
Cutting people off ,making important decisions
This is the part of life, when I do what I like
 I decide what I want, how I feel & what I need
I guess you can say I'm focusing on me...


TiffJ

What's my fantasy

I think about my dream
Someone more genuine than what it seems
Assured everyday, that we're meant to be
Understands me & my mood swings
Cause you know what I can offer & bring
 I'm not talking about perfect, but real & worth it
 I'm a little sensitive, so every now and then I might need to be held
 & that's okay, because you believe being in your arms is the safest place
So I think about my dream
 In my dream you're perfect, because you believe in loving me
Then we prevail against everything, & erase all the doubts
And from our mouths, we vow
And our actions makes it real
Then we live happily ever after because you kneeled and proposed that we be together forever
I'm not asking for much just Love & loyalty
So for anyone who wants to know that's my fantasy ....


TiffJ

Optimism poem..

Love is not all on my agenda its to stressful
I'm just tryna be there for my family & friends when I'm successful
And I'm just trying to be optimistic
But pessimist seem to think its not realistic
But they missed it
Sometimes you gotta step out of reality & dream
Cause life is unfair and dreams make it more than what it seems
So once again I'm optimistic cause I have to be
Cause there are those who will bring you down & make it like that's where you're suppose to be
I have my optimist days and my pessimist days
But at the end of the day I have joy cause God brought me a mighty long ways
Woke me up this morning & took me through things I can't explain
And since my creativity is up today
Ima write till I can't, think until my mind is blank
Speak words that's beyond your imagination & take your mind some place
Create vivid thoughts make you understand what seemed so unteachable
Make you reach for my heart even when it seems so unreachable
Make you believe that you can have it
& I'm so positive right now I might actually let you grab it
Because its your exhilaration, hopefulness and confidence
Which all means optimism and you go along ways if you have it.


TiffJ

I want the music playing..

I want the music playing..

Cause you are so distracting.. 

music is the only thing that stops me from over thinking

 & over analyzing 

& lately I can't seem to control my mind and. 

  Its like my mind  has a mind of its on  so I don't know,

but the music changes that 

when I'm sad to glad

when I'm angry to Happy 

but only when I pick the right song 

  otherwise it'll be a bad mood gone wrong 

I wouldn't say Its my life

But I know I can't walk around with earphones in everywhere 

Eventually & hopefully one day I can control what's in there   

 My thoughts I'm trying to control that          

My mind my private movie & I control the soundtrack.. 

TiffJ

When you say never..

I never do anything I don't feel like
  Unless its best for me then I might
I never play w/ what other people feel
Cause its never good when its real 
  I never say Love unless I mean it 100%
Otherwise I don't say it 
  But I try to make sure I do things even if I don't like it
I guess I'm trying to make me more enticing 
  I never liked saying the word never cause I felt like it'll happen when you say it
I don't know about you but Ima say what I wanna say
Cause if its meant to be it'll happen anyways 
When you say never you limit everything you can do 
& even if you don't want to what's the point of saying what you're not going to 
There really isn't one if you know what you're willing to do ....be you
Then you'll never have to worry what you said you never would never do..


TiffJ

Pride/self-esteem

If my pride could talk it would say stop being full of yourself  
  If my self esteem could talk it would say you really need help                                                  
  Dont get me confused Im not naive
Nobody can tell me Im beautiful & I feel have to give them something
I know where Im going I know who I am Just not sure how to get there
 If I ever talk to whats-his face again I would say its not fair
You made me like you now I have to pretend not to care
 So even if it was real Ill just move on like it wasnt
One thing Ive noticed is my pride has stopped me from doing a lot of things my heart wanted to do Then my self esteem takes over my mind like, was I ....really ?
So Im not sure how I come up w/ anything ..one thing I know is it takes time cause I never know whether to go with my heart or my mind ...

TiffJ